Where Are You?
by itwasyounme
Summary: Jesse and Beca were best friend from the day their mothers met when they were pregnant with them, but when Beca's parents divorced, their world collapsed. Ten years later, they find each other again at Barden, but Beca is not the charming and outgoing little girl Jesse knew. Nevertheless, he is determined to get his best friend back. She was, after all, his first love.
1. No Goodbyes

_"3, 2, 1, I'm coming!" A voice called from the other side of the house._

_The little girl tried to hold her breath to suppress the giggles from bubbling up her throat, but as the footsteps got closer, her nervousness grew stronger, and the laughter escaped from between her fingers, her hand pressed to her mouth. She could see through the small keyhole that he was coming. She closed her eyes and concentrated really hard to try to make herself invisible, but he found her easily because she couldn't stop giggling._

_"Found you!" he sang, helping her get out of the wooden toy chest she had snuck in._

_"That's no fair you're too good, I'm not playing with you anymore." she called out, pouting._

_He chuckled lightly and put an arm around her little shoulders, waiting for her to put her arm around his waist like they always did. She didn't, instead she folded her arms, and he sighed, taking his arm off her._

_"It's not my fault, I'm just bigger than you, and you always hide in the toy chest!" he said, almost begging with his eyes for her to forgive him for something he couldn't control._

_"But that's the best place to hide!" she replied, and he had to agree._

_"Come on Beca, let's go play in my tree house." He suggested, immediately being answered with a huge grin from his friend's face._

_When they passed the living room, Beca's mother was having a coffee with her friend's mom, and as usual, they didn't pass under the radar._

_"Jesse! Where are you going?" his mom asked, and Jesse murmured his answer, already knowing they would be forbidden to go alone._

_"There is no way the two of you are going in that tree house alone, your dads are out to get everything we need for the barbecue tonight, you'll go when they get back." Beca's mom said, and the kids knew it was final._

_Last time they went by themselves to the tree house, Beca fell down the ladder and broke her arm. Their parents insisted they have surveillance every time they went up there. Tonight it was Jesse's dad birthday, and they were having other friends with kids over. Their moms thought it was cute how, in kindergarten, the two of them would always hang out together and ignore the other kids, but now that they were in school and in different classes, Beca still hadn't made any friends, nor did Jesse. They'd play together during recess and eat together at lunch, but they didn't really talk to anybody else in their class._

_Their dads were already planning their wedding, but their moms were a little bit worried about this friendship. Jesse was older than Beca ― by a few months ― but still, he always had the game ideas and it would often end with injuries or trouble. What nobody knew, though, was that Jesse always took the blame for the ideas, but really, it was Beca who was the reckless one. Jesse followed her in her tree climbing adventures, in her spying the old neighbor missions, and any other plans she came up with._

_They knew that, tonight, even though they'll be about a dozen other kids to play with, they'd sneak in the tree house, filling it with snacks they'd get from the barbecue, and play there until everybody was gone. They'd probably fall asleep there and it would be their dads who would bring them down. It was their favorite place to be, because the adults were too big to fit in, and it was really comfy; their dads had built it for them when they were four. It had been two years now, and they still found the same pleasure in coming up here than before._

"How could you do this me, Richard!"

"I didn't do this to you, you did this to yourself, Janet!"

Beca covered her ears with her hands, pressing hard to stop the screaming coming from downstairs. For six months now, this is what she'd fall asleep too; her parents fighting like she never heard them before. She picked up the aluminum can hanging from her window and called Jesse. A thread of wool was running between their two houses, a direct line to Jesse's bedroom. One time, Beca really couldn't sleep because the yelling was too loud, and Jesse climbed in the tree between their houses, swinging himself through her window.

He hugged her tight, doing what his daddy always did when her mom was sad; stroking her hair and telling her everything was going to be okay. He promised that, as soon as they were old enough, they'd get married. The eight year old girl nodded, liking this idea. They had fallen asleep on the floor, near the window, and the next morning the tree was trimmed down so the boy couldn't pull a stunt like that anymore. That's how they came up with the idea of the tin cans and thread of wool.

"Jesse?" she asked, pressing it to her ear after.

"I'm right here, Beca." He replied, and she could feel the tears stinging in her eyes.

"I wish you were really here, Jesse."

"I wish I was too. Get in your bed, I'll read you a story." He said, and she did so, hearing the scrambling of the books before he settled down and read to her.

"I love you, Jesse, promise me we'll never fight like this." Beca pleaded and her voice was small and broken as yet another round of screams and shrieks began downstairs.

"I promise, Beca. I love you too, and when we're married, I'll take you far away from here and we'll live happy. Ok?"

"Ok."

She put the made-up telephone beside her bed and rolled on her side to sleep.

"Beca? Beca! Where are you?" her mom called in the backyard, but the little girl wouldn't come out of the bushes where she'd been hiding for the past few hours.

"Beca, come on, we're leaving." She pressed, and that made the tears run down even faster on her face.

She heard the screen door slam and her mom walk toward her. The protective leaves weren't protecting her anymore, and her mom's face blocked the light from coming in.

"Beca, baby, come on now, we have to go, the moving truck is waiting for us."

She took her by the arm and helped her get out, seeming oblivious to the fact that her daughter was crying. Janet was angry, and heartbroken, and she didn't know how to handle all this. When Beca wiggled away and ran to Jesse's backyard instead of the car waiting in front, she ran after her. She grabbed Beca's arm before she could get in and made her turn to face her.

"Beca, you listen to me right now and good. You get in that car because we're going. Men will only break your heart, don't let them get to you, baby, you'll only get hurt. Now let's go." She didn't let go of her hand even when Beca pleaded and begged for one last goodbye to Jesse.

"Mom! Mom! Stop, he's not a man, he's a boy! Mom, I love him, stop, you can't make me go! I want to here with him, Mom please!" tears were falling down on the ground, leaving a trail of hurt and sadness as she was dragged to the car.

"Jesse will grow up and he'll be a man someday, and all he's ever going to do is break your heart. So you stop this right now and you get in the damn car, Beca. There's no way I'm letting you stay here. This is not our home anymore, baby." she sighed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Beca climbed in the car, silent, and twisted her body so she could see behind her. Jesse had ran out the house and was running after the car, screaming for her to come back.

"Turn around Beca, and forget him, it's better that way. Trust me."

Because she didn't know what else to do, Beca listened to her mom and sat back in the backseat, sniffing. She was going away, forever, and she might never get to see Jesse again. They had sworn to write to each other every week, but she knew that wouldn't be enough. He told her they'd get to see each other during summer break, and he'd come walking if that's what it took. Somehow, though, the raw and plain disgust in her mother's tone had made an impression on her and her words slowly sank in. He's only going to hurt you. She didn't want to look like her mom, she promised herself at that moment that she'd never let nobody make her feel like her mom felt.

Little did she know that meant closing herself up to a point where she couldn't even tell what she was shutting out anymore.

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**A/N : so guys this is my new story! Of course it's Jesse/Beca, and I want to know what you thought of that first chapter! I will be updating once a week, probably on Wednesday around 8pm Montreal time. I have quite a few chapters already written and I hope you'll like it even if it's not Bechloe! Feel free to send me your opinion and review on it! :D**


	2. Out of place

They moved in another state, and Beca directed her anger towards her father, whom she refused to see for over a month. Things slowly settled down, and through conversation on the phone she eavesdropped on, she learned that her father was still living near her old house and she realized she missed her best friend very much. The souvenir of her mother, dragging her pain around, her eyes always red and her hair always messy, still burned in the back of her mind, and she quickly buried herself into something she's always loved: music.

Time passed, and as it did, her anger morphed into walls she built one by one, closing herself up to everything surrounding herself. Her mother, having mourned the loss of her former husband, realized just a little too late how it had affected her daughter. She tried to reach out, but Beca assured her she was fine. She lied so many times about how she felt that her mother started to believe her. Beca would go to her dad's place once a month, but he knew she wasn't happy when she had to spend time with him. Slowly, she put more and more time between her visits, until she didn't go unless it was a holiday. She put the blame on her father; he let them down, it was his entire fault and she didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore.

School wasn't really helping her, because teachers didn't like her way of not caring for anything unless it was music. She would write down lyrics on her exams instead of answering the questions, she'd use the black lines on the sheet of paper she was supposed to write her essay on to write music. Countless times she sat in the principal's office, her ears shut tight to the harsh tone her English teacher was using to describe what she had done, again to disturb the class. She'd risk an eye at the principal, who was slowly shaking her head, her nostrils pinched in exasperation. Once the teacher would leave, she'd tell Beca how sorry she was, but she'd have to punish her. And Beca would nod, fake a smile and take the detention paper she was handing her, already knowing by heart her way to the classroom where she'd sit for hours in a row, doing nothing.

She had no friend, and no intention of making any. By the end of middle school, nobody even bothered to look at her when she walked in the hallways. They had learned pretty quickly that she wasn't someone to mess with, and when she had gotten her first piercing and had started to wear all that black make up, they were scared of her. Beca was a wild animal, living amongst the sophisticated and well put other students. She felt every day just how out of place she was and she didn't need anybody reminding her that.

Beca started highschool with a quiet agreement with her former classmates that they weren't to try to socialize with her just because they were in a bigger school. They got the word out to stay away from her, or at least she assumed they did, and the first months were no different than her years of middle school.

Some boys somehow thought that because she was so withdrawn, it must've meant she would be an easy target. Secretly, Beca was longing for a boy to see her, to dig deep down in her walls and see the girl who wanted to love but just couldn't. The first time one of the popular boys asked her out, Beca had to stop in her track because she wasn't sure she had heard right. Spinning on her sneakers, she shot him a deathly glare, but the boy asked again and she shrugged. He told her he'd be there at seven the next day. She gave him her address and turned back, trying to hide the grin cracking her lips.

He showed up on time with flowers. They sat at the dinner and talked, she actually told him about music, and he asked questions. He was sweet. He was nice. He walked her home and they held hands. He kissed her cheek when she was at the door. He put a hand on her hip. He ran his fingers through her hair. He kissed her harder, pushed her back against the bricks of her house. He grabbed her locks tightly, his fingers digging in her hip bone. She didn't want this. She didn't want this at all, she realized, and she used all of her strength to push him away. It took long and terrifying seconds before she managed to escape his grip and breathe again without his body pressing against hers.

He left, but not after snarling at her and looking her from head to toe, disgust painted on his mean face and he spat, aiming at her shoes but she dodged it, and walked away.

She was left ashamed and the last glimmer of hope that, maybe, her mother had been wrong about boys hurting her, was extinguished by a sharp and cold blast off, just like when you blow on a candle. Any light that had remained alive in her heart died that night, and she promised herself to never let anybody trick her into anything romantic.

She managed to keep her head above water during the rest of highschool; flying from one classroom to another to avoid being seen, maintaining the very minimal grades to stay out of the teachers' glare and mainly, drowning herself in music every second she could by propping her big headphones on her head whenever she wasn't in class.

Her mother was concerned, but Beca wasn't as closed up as she had been in elementary school. They had conversations, they laughed together, they were happy, but she realized she didn't know a lot about her daughter. It seemed as if Beca was putting up with her nice and sweet daughter act, but wasn't really bonding with her mother. It was too late when she realized she had been played, just like everybody else, and wasn't really a part of Beca's support system like she thought she was.

Beca's mind made sure to not pick up any of the snide comments people were making when she'd enter the classroom, and she made a point to be very oblivious to the few attempts new students made to befriend her. She just wished for time to rush a little bit, for the clock to tick faster, for the minutes to double speed.

At last, the last day of highschool came. Beca almost ran in the hallways and out of the school building, greeting her mom with a wide smile splitting her face, hurrying her to drive off.

"I can't believe my baby girl is graduating highschool!" She said, her voice shaking with all sorts of emotions Beca didn't really share.

"Finally!" She shot back, scoffing at how long it had taken. "Now I can find a job and start saving to get to L.A. by the end of the summer!"

She couldn't help the grin of anticipation at the idea of actually leaving this dreaded town and make her way in the City of Angel. She had already made plans with some people she met online to meet up and try to make it in the music business together. They were truly her only friends, and the only one that got her. They also were the only one to whom she'd played her mixes, and if it weren't for them, she probably would've never though of moving out to Los Angeles to advertise her talent. Her mother was talking (Again, she thought) and she lowered the volume on her headphones and pretented to pay some attention. Her words caught in her ear though, and she jerked her headphones off her head, looking at her with a puzzled face.

"What did you just say?" she asked warily.

"I said I know you want to go to Los Angeles and try to be a music producer, but your father won't hear any of it. He knows you've been accepted in Barden and he's very persistent on you attending at least one semester."

"No." she simply replied, already putting her headphones up again.

"Beca, please. He called five times! Only today. Surely, he must've clugged your voicemail with messages to call him back, and sent you a lot of texts. Please, just... try. If not for him, then for you, for me!" She sounded really tired, and annoyed.

Beca groaned her answer and her mother sighed once again, rolling her eyes when she saw her daughter retreat in her music. Again.

They drove in silence to the restaurant, and Beca made an actual effort to converse with her mother while eating. She stayed as far as possible of any subject that could lead them into talking about her father or college again, but on their way home, the brunette needed to make her intentions clear, just this one last time, to make sure her mother knew she wasn't going to Barden University.

"I haven't seen or talked to Dad in almost a year, a full three hundred and sixty-five days without any contact with him. I don't want a college education, I don't need one. I need money, and quite a lot, to be able to move out of this dead place and look for opportunities to show my work to people who will actually give me a chance. I want to produce music, not essays, Mom. I don't wish for any other career than that one, and nothing you say could change that."

Her mother sighed but nodded. Little did she know her ex-husband was determined to get his only daughter a college education.

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**A/N : I'm sorry for all of you waiting for the Wednesday update! I was really busy and I didn't make it home until late and even then I had chores to do and was exhausted! Next week will be on time! :D Tell me what you think of this, and as you can see, I'm trying (and as of now, succeeding) to follow the movie timeline. **

**I want to say thank you to all of you who reviewed the first chapter, because I didn't expect so much good feedback for this story seeing as I mostly posted (as of now) Bechloe stories and all :P I love to read your thoughts!**


	3. The Past is waiting

"Okay, okay, mom, you're choking me!" Jesse chuckled, trying to loosen her mother's grip.

"Oh, I'm sorry, baby!" She cried out, but didn't let go.

"Mom, that means you have to let go of me." He groaned, feeling his lungs burn for oxygen.

"But I won't get to hug you every day!"

Ultimately, she let go of him just long enough for Jesse to take a deep breath, but his father choked down a strangled cry and charged him for a bear hug. He lifted him off the ground, and put him back when Jesse squealed out a cry for help.

"Guys, guys, we haven't left the parking lot yet. Can you just.. keep that for when we actually get to Barden?" He asked, laughing and shaking his head.

Sure, he was sad to leave his childhood house, but he was glad to go away too, because frankly, he had seen everything there was to see in this town. Atlanta just looked so much more fun. Jesse had friends, he had lots of friends during the exam period when he was willing to help anybody with their studying, but he didn't feel very close to them. Being the outgoing and cheerful teenage boy he was, he was well known at school, and nobody really disliked him but the jocks and sports team because he wasn't a jerk to girls like many of them were.

They finally left and Jesse turned on his seat to say one last goodbye to the only house he had known in his life. His eyes fell on the house next to his and his heart tighten just that much more. He looked at the empty space between his bedroom window and the window facing it on the other house and sighed. Ever since his childhood best friend left and never bothered to keep in touch, something had been missing in his life. Leaving for Atlanta was the best thing to do to let go of the memories and move on.

He blew out one last long and heavy sigh before sitting back on his seat. He handed his iPod to his dad, who plugged it with a slight groan of annoyance. They only had an hour or so to drive, and usually he wouldn't let Jesse chose the music for the whole duration, but today was a special day and his son knew it very well. He scrolled through the seemingly endless list of songs until he grinned like a little boy having found the perfect song to start their trip. The first notes of "Hit The Road Jack" blared through the speakers and his mother mirrored his grin while his father rolled his eyes at how predictable that choice was. When the chorus started, though, Jesse smiled even wider because he sang loud and clear with his mother and him.

They sang their way to Atlanta and then to Barden, Jesse making a point of picking the corniest songs he could find on his iPod, grinning like an idiot the entire time.

When they arrived, a long line of cars was coming out of the main entry, and Jesse was left alone to sing along to "Carry On My Wayward Son" and when they finally entered and were about to hit the parking lot, he looked around him, still rocking out to the song

"Don't you cry no more… No!"

He sang well off-key and way too loud for his parents, who cringed at his sudden outburst of singing. He then started to reproduce the guitar solo, complete with the air guitar playing, until his dad looked the same way Jesse was and saw that cute brunette looking at him like he was some crazy person and hit the gas, trying to prevent any further damage.

"Jesus Jesse, try not to make a fool of yourself before the semester starts, please!" His mother half-heartedly admonished him once they had parked the car.

"I wasn't making a fool of myself, mom, I was charming that girl." He answered with a grin, earning himself a slap on the arm.

"Jesse!" his mom's false outraged tone only made him grin harder. "Oh! Baby!" she suddenly said, and he tried to escaped from her deathly hug, but to no avail.

His dad didn't help at all when he joined in and it became a family hug, with Jesse squeezed between them and barely able to breathe.

"Okay, okay, let go now, please." His muffled complaints finally went to his parents' ears and they let go for a split second.

"I'm so proud of you!" His dad said, his voice shaking from the emotion.

He tackled him with another hug and Jesse did his best not to shrug him off, because frankly, he was more excited than sad right now, and he really wanted to start unpacking and discovering what this new life had stored for him. Finally, his dad helped him put everything on a carrier and they left, but not without one last breath-taking (literally) family hug.

"I am not going."

Beca had crossed her arms and refused to move from her spot in her bedroom.

"Please, don't make this harder on me, Beca." Her mother sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, exasperated.

"Then don't make me go." She retorted with a snort.

"We talked about this." Another sigh and a glare when she rolled her eyes.

"A year, that's all we're asking of you, Beca. Not one more day. A school year, even. You agreed to go!" She was almost pleading for her daughter to move, but Beca only scoffed.

"I said okay to think about it, I didn't actually say yes." She grunted.

"Beca." Her mother warned with a scowl.

"Fine." She finally gave in, throwing her arms in the air with a groan. "But I'm not calling him to get me!"

"You know I can't drive you to Barden, baby."

"I'll ride the bus then. Or the train, and then take a cab to Barden, I don't care, I am not spending three hours with him in a car! He would probably come with the step monster." She scoffed again, and snickered at her nickname for her dad's new wife, Sheila.

"Check what's available and I'll take you to the train station, then."

Beca grinned and handed her mom a piece of paper on which she had scribbled all of the necessary info.

"You're impossible." She said, taking the sheet.

An hour later ― because there was no way Beca was rushing any part of this ― they were packed and ready to go. Beca had to convince her mom of the utter life threat it would be if she didn't have her mixing equipment with her because she said there wasn't enough space in the trunk. They managed to fit everything, but barely.

Beca loaded everything in the luggage compartment and hugged her mother one last time, promising to call her every week. Climbing in the train wagon, Beca puffed out a heavy sigh of relief. She had wanted to get this over with for a long time, and she considered changing trains once they got to the station in Atlanta, but a text from her mom stopped her in her thoughts. 'Don't you dare bail out of this, Beca Eleanor Mitchell. I'm tracking you.' And with that, she settled in her seat, headphones secured on her head, shoving her phone in her jeans pocket.

It took only two and a half hours for the train to come to a full stop in Atlanta. For a second or two, the brunette feared her mom had called her dad and asked to pick her up. Nobody was waiting for her as she struggled to get her last luggage out of the wagon. She made her way to the taxi line, where about a dozen of cab drivers were waiting for clients.

About forty minutes later, she set foot on the Barden University campus with a sigh. She could've never imagined just how much this whole college experience would change her life, alter all of what she had carefully built, shake the very foundations of her way of living.

_You have to be kidding me._

The thought crossed her mind as an overly enthusiast blonde suddenly appeared in front of her, asking her what dorm she was in. Beca answered after a second, the initial shock of such a bright smile for such a dull day slowly fading away. Her attention was caught somewhere else moments later when a beat she knew came to her ears. Turning her head, she saw a car, all windows rolled down, with a boy in the backseat, singing with all his heart to the song.

Before she could wipe it off her lips, a smirk curled them up and she watched him play air guitar for a moment, momentarily wondering if she had ever seen that boy somewhere. The driver hit the gas shortly after, and Beca's attention shot back to the girl in front of her, who was waving something shiny in her face. Taking her 'rape whistle' Beca arrogantly took it between her teeth and walked passed her with the directions to her dorm safely registered in her mind.

When she finally found her dorm room, there was already another girl in, but she didn't pay any attention to Beca, except that very warm and welcoming glare she threw at her like she was the dirtiest scumbag on Earth. Internally shivering, the brunette threw her luggage in her closet, determined to set up her mixing equipment before anything else. Besides, she already had clothes on, so what was the point of unpacking clothes that she wouldn't need before the next morning? Beca didn't have time to start mixing after ― finally ― setting everything right because somebody knocked at the door.

Expecting some kind of official of the dorm, Beca was surprised to see her dad walk in. She probably shouldn't have been, though, and the fact that she didn't realize he would know when she'd check in made her even more annoyed. She did feel her heart shrink just that little bit when her dad's face fell as she told him she took a cab to come here. It soon faded away when she tried to picture herself with him and Sheila in a car for even just the ride from the train station to here.

Quick, she had to find a way to get rid of him before he started to tell her about how he missed her and how he really truly wanted to make amends. Her roommate saved her by opening an emergency door. Beca rushed through it, swiftly following the other girl out to the activities' fair.

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**A/N: wow! guys your response to this story is really great! I just want you to know that I read all of your reviews but I'm really busy these times around, so I don't always have time to reply to all :( To the Guest asking for a chapter with Jesse's pov of losing Beca, have no fear, it's coming! I should warn you though, this is a slow-building story, so don't expect them to get together in the next chapter! Thank you all for your feedback and support, and I hope you liked this chapter! Let me know :)**


	4. Facing the walls

**A/N : I am so so sorry for the late update! A lot happened in three days and I think I managed to maintain an average night of sleep of three hours or so since Saturday night, so can I get an award for this? :-P Anyways! I hope you'll forgive me for this and enjoy this new chapter! I'll update on Tuesday to make it up to you all! I want to thank all of those who have reviewed, favorited and followed the story so far, it means a lot to me! I have put quite the effort in this multi Jesse/Beca story, which is a first for me, and I'm really prod of it so seeing yu respond so positvely to it makes my heart all warm and fuzzy! To those asking if the story will follow the movie timeline: that's my plan, but since it's kind of my AU version of the movie, there might be some scenes that aren't in the right order or scenes that are slightly different, but I hope you'll like it anyway!**

**Enough with my babbling, here's your next chapter! Tell me what you think of it :D**

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"How long have you been standing there?"

"I wasn't just… standing there."

_This is it, now he's going to think I'm some kind of crazy freshman and get all cocky and arrogant_, Beca thought with a sigh. Her thoughts were interrupted by foot loudly stomping the floor and she turned to see who was making all that noise.

"Hey man, what's up! I'm Jesse!" the boy panted, and Beca's throat tightened as her eyes met with the new comer.

"I'm Luke, you're late." The man stated, and the brunette tried to take this opportunity to fly far away from the new freshman.

He saw her, though, and after squinting his eyes to detail her face, he instantly brightened up.

"Hey! I know you!" he chanted happily, following Luke who led them to a wooden desk.

"No you don't." She shot back curtly, trying to focus on where she was stepping so she wouldn't trip.

"Totally know her." He insisted, this time talking to Luke, who looked incredibly bored by their exchange.

"He doesn't." Beca shot back, and before Jesse could add anything, the blonde man interrupted.

Beca felt a wave of relief flood through her. This wasn't a conversation she was ready to have on her first day of college, not that she actually minded to have an excuse to fly away from here as soon as she could. And that would be a very good one. Too soon, Luke left them to stack CDs together, but not before warning them of the no sex on the desk rule.

"I do know you." Jesse insisted, following her as she moved further away from him.

_There you go. Everything will blow up and this is going to be a mess._

"I sang to you."

_What?_

"I remember because you were in a taxi."

_Oh my God! That was close._

"Wait, is your dad a taxi driver?"

"What? No." Beca was brought back from her thoughts in a second, hoping this would shut him up because the more time he spent looking at her, the more chances he had to recognize her.

But he didn't.

They, well, mostly he, talked for a bit and then worked silently until Luke told them their shift had ended. Beca almost ran out of the radio station, not leaving Jesse any time to spark up another conversation. The young man stood there, speechless, as the shadow of that very weird girl faded away before he could even say 'have a nice day'.

Shaking his head, Jesse walked out, waving at the man at the front desk on his way, a small smile attached to his lips, like his muscles had grown upwards from all the smiling he was doing. Jesse stopped in his track and frowned when, hunched over her knees and her hand on a tree to keep her balance, there was the same girl who fled from the station. He thought about going over to her, but before he could make a move, she had straightened her back and cleaned her face. _Is she crying?_ Now Jesse's whole body was fighting against his will because everything in him wanted to go check on her.

When she looked around to see if there was anybody, something inside of him urged him to hide, and he jumped behind the nearest tree. He waited a few seconds before risking an eye out, and she was gone. Jesse sighed and walked away, promising himself he would ask her if everything was alright the next time he'd see her.

Beca didn't bother to go to her classes that first day of college, seeing Jesse and not being remembered had thrown her off. The memories of her first and only childhood friend had flooded through her mind and all of a sudden, she was questioning herself. Almost a month had passed now and she was still not going to her classes. Instead, she was focusing on mixing so that she could give Luke samples of her work, in hopes he would listen to them and play them on the radio. Jesse had given up on her, or so it seemed, because mostly they would work in silence. Except for when he had seen a new movie, or sat through another marathon of some director or producer with Benji. Then, he would go on and on and on about it, searching for albums from the bands who had played a song for the movie. Usually though, he never minded if she answered back or really interacted with him.

He was so lost in his passionate speech that he barely took notice of Beca's mumbled "hu-uh" and "okay". She would keep working, not really listening to him but rather to his voice. He had changed so much since their childhood, and now part of Beca wanted to know more about him, but she wasn't about to tell him that. What she didn't know, though, was that Jesse hadn't really given up on her. He was mostly in observation mode, gaging her reactions to whatever he was saying, and he had already figured out she wasn't even listening to him the majority of time, but he couldn't have cared less.

There was something familiar about that girl, about the way she just couldn't help the smile flicking one corner of her lips up whenever he did something silly, or the way she averted her eyes from him when he'd walk close to her. Sometimes Jesse wondered if he hadn't met her before, but surely a girl with that much piercings and such an attitude wouldn't have stayed invisible for long. Maybe he was making all this up, or so he thought, and after a month, decided that there was no way he had met her before and not remember.

College wasn't as he had expected it, and the first month had taken him by surprise. Especially since he had never intended on joining any clubs, but Benji had convinced him to try out for the Treble Makers. He had no time for himself with all the new stuff he had to learn for his classes, and then the rest of his time he was down to the radio station, trying to get the attention of a girl who, apparently, had absolutely no interest in singing. When Jesse brought it up, she had vehemently denied any affiliation with any groups on campus. He had shrugged it off with a smirk, tempted to tease her about it but deciding against when she shot her a dirty look.

"Hey, do you want to grab lunch after?"

Beca was suddenly very aware of Jesse being right next to her, his arm slightly brushing hers. _No, no, no._ Her mind searched for a plausible answer, for a way to decline his invitation, but before she could say something, her mouth hung open, no words coming out, and a memory crashed through her mind.

_"Do you want to get lunch at my place?"_

_Jesse was looking at her with his big brown eyes and Beca felt her cheeks flush red as he smiled bright and wide. She couldn't help the butterflies flying in her stomach whenever he'd look at her, and when she had told her mother about it, she had sing-sung something like 'You like the boy!' and Beca had thought it was obvious : Jesse was her best friend, why was it so surprising she liked him? It had hit her later that day that she _liked _him._

_"Yeah, sure."_

_She said, shrugging, and he took her hand, just like he had done for the past five years when she had taken her first steps and had fallen on her butt so hard it had brought tears to her eyes. Jesse had rushed to her, or more accurately wobble to her as fast as he could, and held out his hand. She had taken it and they had walked together, keeping each other's balance, and had never stopped since._

_At eight, they were the best buds in the whole wide world and when they were hidden in Jesse's tree house, they'd hug for long moments and one time, for her birthday, Jesse kissed her really close to the lips. That's when Beca started to feel so giddy around him, and everybody thought it was cute, but she was afraid that if Jesse knew, he wouldn't want to be her friend anymore. They had watched enough movies to know that when a girl likes her best friend, it usually breaks their friendship. What Beca never saw because she'd fall asleep (usually in Jesse's lap) was that at the end, the best friend returned the girl's feelings and they walked away in the sunset._

_They had walked to his house and on the way, he had picked up a flower and given it to her._

_"She's not as pretty as you, but she smells as good." He had said with the stupidest grin on his face, and Beca had blushed the same shade of red his shirt was._

Jesse was looking at her, waving his hand in front of her face, startling her out of her memory. He raised his eyebrows, about to make a comment, but he shut his mouth when he realized that she was tearing up.

"Bec, what's wrong?" he asked, panicked.

"Uh.." she grunted, quickly turning around to put the CDs in her hand on the shelves. "Nothing."

He sighed, but pursed his lips and didn't say anything. Instead, he opted to smile at her back, picking up a record album and placing it over his face just as she turned around, trying to look very focused in her work. When she saw him move, she couldn't stop her gaze from following his movement and she rolled her eyes, seeing him hold an Adam Lambert record to his head. Hearing the smile in her scoff, he looked around, searching for another record, and moved with her as she pushed the CDs cart further down the aisle. _Do not fall for this. Damn it._ She didn't have time to muffle the light chuckle that bubbled up in her throat.

He was grinning so hard, looking so proud of himself for making her smile, she couldn't be mad at him. _Why would you be? You're the one who walked away._ She sighed as he wasn't watching and felt a great wave of relief when Luke asked him to get him a burger.

"So, do you want to grab lunch after work or not?" He asked as Luke went back in the radio booth with his lunch he had just handed him.

"What?" Beca really had thought he had forgotten about that and that she wouldn't have to actually make up an excuse.

"Lunch? Food? Me, you?" He had talked like a robot, complete with the hand gestures and all, and she wanted to slap him for making her want to smile.

"Uh, I can't, sorry." she replied evasively, rushing back to her CD stacking before he could hear the shaking in her voice.

Jesse frowned, and was about to ask why but she turned her back to him and he might have been curious and really wanted to have lunch with her, but he was still able to take a hint. His shoulders hunched forward as he made his way to his own pile of CDs. They finished work in silence, and as time slowly went by, Beca felt more and more guilty. She remained silent, like always, and when Luke exited the booth, she dragged her feet as Jesse promptly said bye and walked away.

_Good job, Beca. He wants to be your friend, he doesn't want to psycho-analyze the fuck out of you. Is it so hard to let him be your friend? You were best friends a decade ago, why not now again?_ Her brain definitely wasn't holding up her walls here, but a part of Beca couldn't totally shake off her last thought. _Why couldn't she be his friend now_?


	5. Ghosts of souvenirs

Mixing in her dorm was almost impossible when Kimmy-Jin had more than one friend over, which she seemed to enjoy doing quite a lot since she had first seen Beca rush out of their shared room out of discomfort. Since she came back from her morning class and found her roommate with three other friends playing some silly video game, Beca had had enough of their rudeness and took her laptop and headphones out in the quad. She hadn't been sat for longer than five minutes before the heat was too much for her to take and she grunted something that was supposed to be "I can't wait for this year to be over with!" and swiftly walked off to the radio station.

Her shift didn't start until another hour, but she figured Luke wouldn't mind her using a plug in there and just sit on the floor until it was time to work. Not another ten minutes had passed before somebody walked in very loudly. Jesse, Beca thought and the smile tugging at the corner of her lips shocked her. Surely, the young man stomped in the room shortly after and he almost passed by Beca without noticing her, but she tripped him with a playful smirk displayed on her lips.

"Hey!" He called, frowning. "That was mean, you bully." He joked, smiling brightly.

"It was an accident." She defended herself meekly, unable to restrain the chuckle from escaping her parted lips.

"Of course. Someone's in a good mood today!" He added, sending her another bright smile.

"Whatever." she replied with an eye roll before pulling up her headphones on her head again.

"Why are you here so early, Bec?" He suddenly asked, walking backwards toward her spot on the floor.

"The heat is killing me outside." Beca simply answered, already focused on her new mix.

"Oh. Whacha doing over there?" He tried to peek over, but Beca snapped the lid of her laptop shut and gave him a look. "Okay, I get it, it's top secret. Never mind." he said, putting both his hands before him, walking away slowly.

"Why are you here so early?" She called out after a few seconds of debating whether or not she should interact with him more.

"Uh... I have to talk to Luke." He evasively answered before rushing away.

Weird, Beca thought, but she wasn't one to inquire on an almost stranger's activities. _He's not an almost stranger, you thought you were going to marry him at some point, Beca. It's time you grow up and tell him who you are. For fuck's sake, he still thinks your name's Becky!_ Beca groaned in annoyance at her own brain scolding at her and she forced her mind back on her mix after making sure Jesse wasn't coming back to spy on her.

An hour later, they were slowly making their way down yet another aisle of the radio station, stacking endless piles of CDs on the shelves without a word. Jesse was bored like he never had before, and he had liked the way Beca's mood was so light before he came back for work. Stopping in the middle of his movement, he gave her a childish look with a mischievous grin. That made her stop dead in her tracks, a look of fear mixed with curiosity painted on her face. It felt like they were about to do something they weren't really supposed to. It felt like when they were kids and they exchanged looks before pulling a prank or something. It felt good to see that look on Jesse's face_. It would feel better if he knew you. Shut up! He probably doesn't even remember me, why should I make him relive the painful truth that I was his friend and then left him and never bothered to look back?! _She was determined to not let her mind win this time, because it had won too many times for her to trust it again.

She had let her guard down before, thinking it was alright, that nothing would hurt, but she had always been so wrong, this time, she wasn't about to make the same stupid mistake. Even if she wanted too. Even if Jesse had been her friend for longer than anyone she could remember, even now. Bringing her mind back to reality, Beca had just enough time to get what Jesse was saying.

"This is lame. Let's make it a little more fun. We're going to play the game of who can stack the more CDs in five minutes. We'll settle the piles on the desk and we can't take more than three CDs at a time. We have to put them at the right places, too. No cheap shots, no cheating."

He was grinning so hard Beca felt herself start to smile, and she nodded. They looked at the clock and piled up the CDs quickly before waiting for it to be at a predefined starting point.

"3..." Jesse started the countdown with a giggle stuck in his throat.

"2..." Beca added, preparing her hand over the pile of CDs.

"1..." Jesse placed his hand right next to hers as he said it.

They looked at each other, smiling like kids, and yelled "GO!" at the same time.

With a squeal she didn't intend to blurt out, Beca smacked Jesse hand out of her way, surprising the young man with her competitiveness, and grabbed three CDs before rushing to the aisle. She read the names of the albums out loud just to distract Jesse from his own stacking. He was taller than her though, which gave him an undeniable advantage when she picked CDs that had to be stacked high in the shelves. Out of breath but still going strong, they were head to head, counting down the CDs they had stacked by making a line with a marker on a sheet under their respective names. Beca was faster with the stacking because she had a very good memory and figured out quickly where to stack her CDs, but Jesse beat her when it came to run back to the pile, and he often pushed her hand away just after he picked up his three albums.

It had been three minutes and there were only seven CDs left on the pile. Both took three, which left the last one standing alone on the desk, waiting for who would be the fastest in the end. Beca arrived second, but she was so lost in the game that she tackled Jesse on the side, bumping his hip with hers to move him away from her win. He stumbled backward, but he was still holding on firmly to the album, smiling broadly.

"Let go!" He chanted, pulling on it, but Beca had a firm grip too.

"You let go!" She retorted with a smirk, tugging at it.

She opted for another tactic when she realized he was much stronger than her, and she stepped forward, making Jesse fumble to regain his balance. Feeling she was gaining on him, she yanked the CD out of his hand just as he fell on his ass on the floor, already laughing. Beca hurried and stacked her hard-earned last CD at the right place before rushing back to Jesse to help him on his feet.

"I win." She proclaimed once he was up again, smiling so wide he couldn't be mad at her.

"You cheated. So that makes me the winner." He shot back with an almost sorry smile.

"No way! It's not my fault you got no balance, boy." She joked, shoving him playfully on the chest.

"Careful, you wouldn't want to hurt that tiny finger you got!" Jesse grinned when she punched him with her whole fist this time, and massaged the spot she had hit, faking to be hurt.

Beca rolled her eyes and when they fell on the floor, she saw something square and black. She bent down and picked up, smiling when she recognized the object to be a wallet.

"Oh! What do we got here?" She said with a chuckle.

"Hey, that's mine!" Jesse protested when she opened it, raising her eyebrows as if she was shocked by her own actions. "Give it back, Becky!"

The mention of her fake name made her wince internally, but curiosity got the better of her when her eyes fell on a picture he had where his driver license should have been.

"Jesse…" She started, but she couldn't finish her sentence as yet another memory washed over her mind.

She took out the picture of a happy family that she knew all too well. The corners of the photography were ragged, there were thin lines traveling all over the faded image, proving to Beca that Jesse had looked at this picture more than once over the years. She slowly caressed the smiling features of the two kids in the front, holding hands like they would never let go, their yellowed and washed out faces still glowing with mischief.

Her breath caught in her throat as her thumb glided over the older faces, the man on the left resting his hand on the little boy's shoulder, smiling proudly while holding tightly a short woman at the waist. They looked all so happy. Especially that little girl, with those long and unruly brown locks cascading around her grinning features, with those squinting steel blue eyes darting their innocent and waggish look right at her. She gasped and let go of the picture, ready to leave and run away like she did so well, but Jesse grabbed her hand as she turned and wouldn't let go.

Just like that day.

_Beca had awaken him late in the night when she still couldn't sleep because her parents were fighting. She made him promise to never her let go like her daddy was doing right now, she made him swear that he'd always be here for her, holding her hand through the rough times and never was he to give up on her because he was the most important person in her life and she needed to be his most important person too. Jesse had agreed to everything, promising to always be there for her when she'd need him, and even when she didn't want him around._

_They were kids, they never even imagined what those words meant in terms of commitment. They simply knew they had to be there for each other because there was nobody else who could understand them the way they understood each other. Beca had fallen asleep with Jesse's words still ringing in her mind, and the next day, the first thing he did when she ran out of her house to meet him was to take her hand._

_"I promised I wasn't letting go of you, never, and that I'll hold your hand no matter what." He had said and the look on his face had made Beca smile broadly and tears had prickled her eyes but she wiped them off as a mischievious idea ran across her mind._

_"That way nothing can separate us, ever!" She had called out around twenty minutes later after she had smeared white liquid glue in their palms._

_They looked at each other with a loving smile and clasped their sticky hands together. They hadn't thought that once the glue was dry, it would be nearly impossible to undo their entwined fingers. Panic filled their eyes as they realized just how big of a mistake this was. Hurrying back in Beca's garage because it was empty as her parents had gone out grocery shopping, or so they said, because the fridge was still full and they never went grocery shopping on a Saturday morning, they tried everything to free their hands._

_Nothing worked, though, and they resolved to wait until the moisture from their glued palms would make the glue wet again so they could stop holding hands, or at least wash the glue off first. They tried to hide when Jesse's dad called out their names but he found them anyway. They had just enough time to pretend they were doing something else before he walked in the garage, almost immediately darting his eyes on their literally glued hands._

_"Jesse, we need you in the back yard for a minute, meet me there in five minutes. I'm sorry Beca, this won't take long, it's just a family picture."_

_Beca looked at Jesse, who swallowed audibly but nodded at his dad, unable to say a word because his voice would've trembled too much. She tugged at his hand and squeezed it softly, smiling confidently at him when he looked at her._

_"Can I be in the picture too? See, we never take family picture with my parents, so I was thinking maybe I could sneak in yours? I mean, Jesse and I are always together anyways..." She gave him her most angelic smile, and Jesse's dad nodded after a second or two._

_Relief flooded over their features as they jumped up from their seats and ran to Jesse's yard. The young boy's father stood there, a little perplex, when he saw them still holding hands, like they simply couldn't separate them. He frowned, sensing there was more to this story than a wish to be in a family picture, but when he looked around, he saw nothing that could give these two devils away. He walked back to his yard, and took the picture with Beca and Jesse._

_They looked so happy together, and Beca did wanted to be in a family picture very badly, especially if it was Jesse's family because she thought it was so much better than hers._

She tried to say something, but her eyes were stuck on the fallen picture, that Jesse hadn't picked up yet, and her mouth hung open as heavy breaths came out. She shook her head, unable to face the souvenirs of what she had so heartlessly rejected years ago just so she wouldn't end up looking so miserable like her mother. She had pushed away the one person caring enough for her to never argue about her stupid ideas, to never judge her or get annoyed when she'd whine over the same old things for hours at a time. She had shut out the boy she was in love with because he might've hurt her in the future. How stupid was that.

It had been ten years though, and Beca couldn't even remember the last time she had felt close to someone, the last time she had wanted to be with anybody but herself for more than an hour. Sure, she had flings, but they always consisted in a couple of nice dates and maybe a few kisses, but she'd always go for the ones that she was sure to never fall in love with. Just in case her heart wasn't as guarded up as her mind was. Jesse was looking at her; worry contorting his face in this ridiculously cute expression that made Beca snort bitterly.

"Please, just talk to me..." He said gently, his fingers having instinctively found the spaces between hers, resting perfectly against the back of her hand.

"Jesse... I can't. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep looking at you, thinking it's okay that you don't know. That picture..." she tried to coax the words out, but they were safely struck in her dried out throat.

"These are my parents and me when I was younger. And... my best friend." He said the two last words with hurt filling his big brown eyes, and Beca winced.

"I know." She whispered after several seconds. "That's me, Jesse."

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**A/N : Dun dun dun! I think that's the moment everyone's been waiting for since the beginning! Here comes trouble! Hehe, I hope you liked this chapter! Okay so how do you think Jesse's going to react? tell me via reviews or private messaging and if you have the good answer, I'll send you a link where you can read online a preview of next chapter ;) I want to thank all of you who have reviewed and to answer one big question : I'm trying to dig more into Jesse's thinking in future chapters, but I have to say it's more of a challenge than Beca!**

**As of now, I have a couple chapters already written, and I'm observing the rule of one posted, one written. Anyone having ideas for cute childhood memories of the two of them? It can be a personnal memory or something you'd like to see happen. Now, we're getting more into less happy memories in the next couple of chapters, but there will be happy ones inserted here and there just so you can enjoy kid Beca and Jesse! :D**


	6. Strangers

**A/N : so guys! I'm terribly sorry, my updates are really rocky and they will probably be for a while! I'm leaving for England on the 25th of August and from there, I'll be flying to Germany a week later, where I'll spend a minimum of three months, which means that I might not have as much time as I did before summer to write. I will keep writing that story and my other multi-chapter that's going on right now, but I can't promise updates every week after I left. I'm really excited about this, though, because it'll be my first time in Europe and I'm going as an AuPair! I'll be paid a certain amount a month to take care of kids, to be a part of another family for a certain period of time, which is great because kids are my life! Wish me luck with German though, that language is tough as heck!**

**Okay, enough chatting, now this chapter is short, I'm sorry, I really am, but it gives you more Jesse! You start to see that they might not have the same thoughts about their "friendship break-up" but you'll get to know what happened only in later chapters! As always, if you have any childhood memories you'd like to see incorporated, let me know! I've got one that came back a few times; a fake wedding. It is sooooo going to happen! This is going to be THE cutest fake wedding ever, but I'm not saying when it's going to be remembered! haha!**

**And now, I'll let you read that little chapter :)**

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At first, Jesse thought he had heard wrong. He couldn't have possibly heard her right. She couldn't possibly be Beca because, first of all, her name wasn't even Beca, it was Becky. Also, she looked nothing like his childhood best friend. She was thinner, she looked really tensed, and she had a way to hold herself that looked almost scared whenever people were involved that was nothing like the little girl in the picture. She couldn't be Beca because that'd mean she had spent almost a month with him and knew who he was all along but never said anything. Or maybe she didn't remember him, and seeing that picture had triggered some memories.

He remembered that day very well, he had been so scared of his dad's fury when he found out their hands were actually glued to one another. Beca had been the one taking the blame for her own idea, for once, but his dad simply laughed it off and used some weird dissolvent that smelled bad and their hands were free again. They had washed away the remaining glue and linked their fingers once again.

This girl couldn't be Beca because that would mean that he was face to face with the best friend he had been in love with for so long who abandoned him without even looking back.

Slowly, Jesse shook his head, shifting his gaze so he was looking anywhere but at her face. His eyes fell on their joined hands and suddenly, touching Beca burned his skin, and he jerked his hand away from hers. When Jesse looked up, shocked by his own reaction, he saw Beca's stunned expression match his. It wasn't like him to react that way, but this was just too much. Still shaking his head, even though he wasn't sure if it was out of disbelief or disappointment anymore, he took a few steps back, as if staying that close to her was blurring his mind.

"Jesse, please…" Beca started, but he held out one of his hand and gave her an almost angry look.

She shut her mouth tight, her eyes red from held back tears, making the dark blue of her irises stand out, making her even more beautiful than she already was to Jesse. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, chasing the image from his mind.

"I need a moment, _Beca_." He finally whispered, and when he said her name, it broke out in the air in millions of pieces, just like his heart had when he realized Beca had stopped caring about him.

"Jesse…" She pleaded, but the boy clenched his jaws and gave her a warning look and she once again pursed her lips, leaving only a light pink line where her mouth was supposed to be.

He turned on his heels and walked out of the radio station without another word, leaving Beca to crumble down on the floor, her back to a shelf, trying to regain control over her breathing. Luke came out at the end of her shift, and Beca had just gotten up from the floor. She was stacking the last couple of CDs that were left on the carrier and hurriedly wiped away the remaining tears from her eyes. When he asked what was wrong, she sniffed and put the blame on allergies. He looked around, obviously trying to find Jesse, and when he didn't, he simply raised an eyebrow at her.

"He, uh, he had an appointment, I, uh I think." She tried to make her voice appear as detached as she could, only succeeding in making herself understandable enough for Luke to nod and walk out.

She picked up her laptop and left too, intending on claiming back her fair share of the dorm. When she arrived at her dormitory, Jesse was standing in front of the entry door, blocking her way. _Shit_, Beca thought, _he's going to yell at me_. Jesse folded his arms when she stopped before him, and she found her shoes to be very interesting all of a sudden. He sighed when, after a closer look at her face, he saw that she had probably been crying for a while now. Even all that eyeliner around her blue irises couldn't hide the undeniable truth, and Beca was very aware of it.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, and his voice was so soft it took Beca by surprise.

She was prepared to wince at his aggressive tone, but when the only thing that hit her were his kind eyes searching for hers, she lost all abilities to think. No sarcasms or snarky remarks could do when he was looking so pained. She couldn't break his heart like she had already done. There was only so much a closed heart could break around itself before starting to crack on its own. Beca sighed, mostly because she was frustrated with her lack of reaction, but also because she simply didn't have a suitable answer for him.

She couldn't possibly say that she hadn't told him who she was before because she didn't want him to remember her because he deserved better than a best friend who had abandoned him when she should've held on to him tighter. She couldn't tell him that when she realized who he was she also realized just everything that she probably had missed, because admitting that would be admitting that living the way she does wasn't for the best. It would hurt him too greatly if she told him the truth, so instead, she shrugged and offered him an apologetic smile.

"I don't know. I guess I figured you didn't recognize me for a reason, and I didn't see the point of reminding you who I was. We kind of are strangers to each other now, aren't we?"

She was trying to convince herself as she was trying to convince him too. Her last sentence seemed to affect Jesse more than he would let her see, but she could see right through his soul with those dark eyes of his. He knew it, and he looked down as he nodded slowly, a sad smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

"Strangers, eh? You think you're a stranger to me even after ten years of not speaking? You think I can ever act towards you as if I didn't know the way your toes curl up when you're excited, the way you scrunch up your nose when you are having troubles with something, the way you used to squint your eyes, lying on your back under the Christmas tree to make the lights all blurry, saying they were prettier that way? You think you're a stranger to me, Beca? You will never be a stranger to me because you were my best friend. I've been secretly hoping to find you again for ten years. There's no way I'm letting you walk away from me another time, Beca. Never."

He straightened himself from the wall he had been leaning on and closed the distance between them to wrap his arms around her hunched shoulders. She tried to resist, she put her hands on his chest, already starting to push him away, but her sprawled fingers felt his heart beat at an unbelievable pace, fluttering like this was something making him nervous. She realized he was nervous she'd reject him again, only starting to see that Jesse was desperate for answers from her, that he wanted so deeply to not believe she had shut him out on purpose, he was ready to do anything. It broke her heart just a little more, and she promised herself she'd never let him see just how miserable she had been since these walls had taken every memory of them together.

Slowly, carefully, she slid an arm around his waist, tightening her grip when she heard the sigh of relief, her ear pressed against his shirt. It had been so long since somebody had hugged her like that, Beca even allowed herself to close her eyes and enjoy the feel of his hands on her back, how large they were; almost covering everything. She was shocked when he pulled away, thinking she would have been the one to do so. He smiled at her, hope and fear mixed in this adorable toothy curl of his lips, and she smiled too, even though her whole body wanted to run away, knowing only too well how this would end.

_I should just run away now, before it's too late, before I break his heart again, because we all know that's what's going to happen anyway._

Either way, Beca was convinced that they would end up getting hurt, and she had promised herself she'd be the only one to hurt her a few years prior. Jesse was no exception, or so she thought.


	7. Forced Friendship

**A/N : Okay guys! I'm late, but like, not a whole day late, so that's progress, right? RIGHT! anyway, there's not much to say about this chapter; you get to see more of Beca's coping with her new solitary life and also, a bit of Jesse and Benji together! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, feel free to tell me what you thought of it! ooooh and for those reviewing with a lonely "update" (sometimes in caps, sometimes simply repeated twice or thrice) with a bunch of exclamation marks; I update once a week so, although I appreciate your wish to read more (which I take as a great interest in this story and a liking too), I would rather you not review the story if it's to only pressure me into writing faster by asking me to update with so little manners because, well, it might have the opposite effect. See, I don't work under pressure, I work under encouragements, so if you like this story and want more, give me constructive reviews or encouragements, not rude (well, to me they sound rude) one-word review almost ordering me to update as soon as a chapter is out.**

**Please, be patient with me as I don't have all the time I used to have to write and I'm leaving in two weeks. Updates might become less organized once I'm away, but I ****_will_**** finish this story, don't worry about it!**

**So, now, enjoy this chapter y'all :)**

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Beca had always liked her sleep, especially when she had been mixing all night and had just managed to fall asleep, but her dad seemed to either ignore that or simply not care about it. Poking her thigh, he called out her name a few times before she actually grunted and turned around.

"Funny, this doesn't look like your intro to philosophy class." He said, rising his eyebrows, demanding answers.

"I'm posing an important philosophical question here: if I don't actually go to that class, will it still suck?" She retorted, giving him that look he knew meant he wasn't going to win an argument with her.

"Funny, but it's not the point. This is college, Beca, join in!" he added, still shocked that his daughter didn't enjoy college like he thought she would have after a month.

They talked a little bit more, and out of things to say that could possibly make Beca blend in more and actually try at college life, her dad suddenly told her that if she tried hard enough, by the end of her school year, if she was still unhappy and wanted to become some kind of famous artist in L.A., he'd pay for everything. Beca was dumbfounded, especially since the deal was a year of college for a free pass to L.A., but she had to pay by herself (another reason she got the job at the radio station). She told him she'd have to think about it, but really, she simply wanted to go over all of the activities and clubs available and find the least engaging one and get in so she would be making an effort and her dad would pay her way to Los Angeles.

She managed to get him out of her dorm by telling him she needed to shower, having already given up the idea of sleeping after that encounter. She was still trying to find a way to get her dad to believe she was trying without actually being involved in any clubs or groups on campus when she arrived at the showers. The one way she had found she could think straight was to sing, so she started to hum softly the lyrics of "Titanium" by David Guetta. It was a song she had wanted to mix with something else for a while now, and singing it aloud made it easier for her brain to match another song with it.

She had just started her shower, testing the water with her bare shoulder, when a tingling sensation made her frown. She didn't turn around, thinking it was only her mind playing a trick on her, but when an unknown hand reached for the shower handle and a voice she only faintly recalled spoke up behind her, Beca jumped and spun around. There stood the same redhead that had tried, a month prior, to enroll her into some singing group. That day, she had lied, saying she couldn't even sing, and the look of utter deception on the redhead's face almost made her feel bad.

Still, she was relentless and wouldn't leave until Beca sang for her. The brunette had to admit this was coming at some convening time since her dad had asked for her to join in. What dorkiest thing to do than to join an a capella singing group, females only? That would be a great way to let her dad see just how ridiculous 'joining in' was since it was so out of her element. Also, she was trapped, so there was really nothing she could do to make the ginger go away beside singing, although (and she would never admit that even under torture) she thought her passion for such an activity was kind of respectable.

So, taking a deep breath and holding her washcloth and soap bottle as close to her naked body as possible, she averted her eyes from the redhead and sung the first lyrics alone. Soon, though, the other girl joined in and her soft yet firm voice made Beca's gaze lift up in surprise and a small smile crept up her face. _This girl can sing!_ She didn't know why she was so surprised, but she was, and before she knew it, her hands were down and it didn't matter if they were naked in a shower stall. A part of Beca instantly lit up when their voices instinctively adjusted to each other and she could feel, now, why the redhead seemed to love a capella so much.

They finished their duet and the awkwardness, well on Beca's end, was back at full force, only this time, it was because the brunette was trying really hard not to let her change of mind show. Beca's eyes wandered shortly over the other woman's body and she smiled shyly, silently pointing out that she was still in her stall.

"Oh, yeah, I'm pretty.. confident, about all this." The redhead said, gesturing to her toned and naked body.

Beca nodded, mostly to try and end this kind of conversation but also because she couldn't deny that the girl was stunning.

"You should be." She added with a little smile, and when the girl wouldn't stop staring at her like she was the messiah, she said in a small voice "I still… need to shower."

A guy suddenly peeked in the stall, smiling at the redhead, and Beca shot her a puzzled look before the girl's eyes lit up and her mouth formed an 'o'. The brunette realized _why_ the guy was in the _ladies_ shower room and her confused face turned into shock, then a somehow form of amusement, and she watched the redhead walk out of her stall like this had been the least strange thing to ever happen.

"See you at auditions!" she heard her call out from the other end of the room, and a dubious smile ran across her lips.

_Jesse is going to go bonkers!_ Wait. Where did that _thought_ come from? Beca finished her shower still stunned by her own brain betraying her like this. She wasn't supposed to want him around anymore, she was supposed to be hermetic to his childish grin, supposed to be insensible to his mischievous eyes. It was odd for her to miss someone, especially Jesse, and it was even odder that she missed sharing things with him. She thought she was over him, thought she had moved on and didn't need anybody. At least, that's what she told herself, and until now, it seemed like she had convinced her mind of that, but now her heart was pounding as she ran back to her dorm before she did anything stupid. _Like the last time_, a little voice snickered in the back of her mind and she flinched.

_Beca had been living with her mom for four years now, and she had moved on from Jesse, but sometimes, she'd still get hit by a memory with him and with the years passing by and her mother trying to reconcile the pieces she had broken in her daughter, the urge to see him and be his best friend again would get stronger. Today, especially, was a hard day for her because she was changing school. She had just visited her new scholastic buildings and had found out they had a bigger music room than anything she'd ever seen. The first thought that came to her mind was to tell Jesse, and she stopped dead in her tracks when she realized what she had just thought of._

_She had no right of telling him anything anymore. She had abandoned him, she had refused to see him every time she went to her dad's new home, and she had shut him out completely. Now, though, she missed him like he was the only thing keeping her alive. It hit her just how much wrong she had been, and she felt so utterly desperate to get him back, right at that moment, standing in the doorway of the music room, that she ran away. She sprinted towards the emergency exit, crashed through it and continued to run until her legs gave way under her and she fell on her knees in a muffle "thump". That's when she realized she was in a forest but had no idea just how far she had ran._

_Curled up in a tight ball and freezing in the cold air, Beca was still crying and mumbling apologies to Jesse when they found her. They being two policemen part of a searching team that went looking for her when she ran away from the school for no apparent reason. One of them picked her up, and Beca clung to his vest like her life depended on it. She was wrapped in a wool blanket to try to warm her up because she was shivering from the extensive time spent on a cold and humid ground. She was still delusional and kept trying to push off the paramedics that wanted to examine her, saying she had to find him, to make it right. Nobody understood until her mother finally made her way to her and threw herself on Beca, her arms fiercely wrapped around her tiny frame._

_"Mom, I miss him so much, I want him back." She said, and her mother thought she meant her father, so she held her daughter a little closer to her heart, stroking her hair back and whispering comforting words in her ear until she calmed down._

_"I know baby, I know, it's okay. We'll get through this." She soothed, holding her hand while the paramedics cleared her for a good night of sleep at home._

At that time, Beca had thought her mother knew she was talking about Jesse, she thought she was telling her she was going to stop missing him, she wanted her mom to understand that she couldn't forget the boy, that she actually wanted to be best friend with him, she wanted to follow through their promise to get married as soon as they were old enough.

Shaking her head, she walked out of the shower rooms, and eyed warily the closed blinds of the other stalls, afraid she might get forced to sing her way out of here. There were no more signs of the redhead, but she found a Bellas flyer taped to the door with a handwritten note on it: _7pm tonight at the auditorium_. She looked at her cellphone and sighed: it was only nine in the morning, she still had time to make an excuse for it if she didn't actually go.

Jesse looked at himself in the mirror, putting the final touch to his hair when he caught a glimpse of Benji pacing nervously in the background, mumbling over and over the little speech he had prepared. The brown haired man turned around and smiled gently at the man who had quickly became his best friend over the last month. He knew how much those auditions meant for Benji, and he was also that much aware that the chances of the Trebles letting him in were almost as slim as the chances he had of getting hit by lightning. Indoors. It's not that he didn't believe his friend had the vocal potential; it's that he had seen how the Trebles had snickered and made fun of him that very first day of college at the activities fair.

He couldn't tell that to Benji, though, because the boy was convinced he could get in with his singing abilities. Technically, he was a great singer and he would've been a great addition to the group, but Jesse knew better. The Treblemakers weren't looking for amazing singers, they wanted guys with an attitude, guys that would perpetuate their image of bad boys from the a capella world. Jesse simply hoped they'd go easy on his best friend, although there was nothing he could do, really, because to be honest he truly wanted to get in himself. Maybe after that, then, he'd be able to talk to Bumper and some of the others.

"Benji, calm down. You've sung your bars in your sleep all week, you're gonna be fine." Jesse said, putting his hands on his best friend's shoulders and pushing him down to a sitting position.

"I'm just really excited, because you know, I'm going to sing in front of Bumper for the first time and it's a little stressful. What if they don't take me in?" Benji spoke up, looking directly in Jesse's eyes when he said his last words, making the taller man's heart tighten in his chest.

"Relax dude, they have to like you. You're all kinds of awesome. If they don't want you, it's their loss." He said, patting him on the back before hearing the opening theme of Star Wars start playing. "Come on, it's time. Wouldn't want to be late to auditions, right?"

Benji jumped on his feet and gave Jesse a confident nod and a nervous but happy smile. They walked out of their dorm with their chests pumped with confidence and their head held high. It was still early in the evening, but Benji had insisted they got there at least an hour before auditions started so they could maybe try to catch the Trebles and chat a little bit.


	8. A mistake with consequences

**A/N :** **Wow guys! I'm terribly sorry for these past two weeks of complete silence! I was overwhelemed with preparation and seeing everyone I needed to see before departing! I'm giving you two chapters because I missed two updates! I'm flying to England Sunday so by August 27th you shouldn't expect an update very often seeing as I'm going to be with my friend for a week then settling down in Germany! BUT I have a lot of free time according to the Schedule my host family as prepared for me so as I said, I won't let this story unfinished! **

* * *

"_Dad, can I have some money to get ice cream before dinner?" Beca asked in her most innocent tone, perched on the railing at the top of the stairs._

"_With who?" he asked from the kitchen, chopping carrots for said dinner._

"_No one, I just want an ice cream because it's hot as hell in here!" she retorted, loudly rushing down the stairs as she did so._

"_Language." He warned, and she smiled apologetically. "Fine. Be back in an hour, then, and don't get a big one, dinner will be ready when you come back." He said, handing her a five dollars bill with a soft smile._

_The twelve year old thanked him politely before rushing out of the house. Her dad had a sense she wasn't going to get an ice cream alone, but he figured she wasn't going to meet up some older boy neither. He felt a little guilty for thinking this, but he knew his little girl had changed ever since he divorced her mother. She was more closed up, lost in her own little world and her mother was worried she might be depressed. He knew she wasn't depressed, but he had no clue what she had actually became, except a lonely and solitary girl. Four years had passed and now it was common for her mother to call him because she was worried, but he had no answers for her. _

_Beca ran until her lungs were on fire, but she slowed down only when she was out of her neighborhood. The last thing she wanted was to be seen or, worse, stopped. She had shoved the five bucks in her back pocket, adding it to the other five dollars she had asked her dad here and there until she had enough. Now that she was in a less familiar neighborhood, Beca walked with nonchalance and propped her first pair of headphones that she bought with her own money on her head. Her iPod (a gift from her dad as an attempt to make amends that she took only because her old iPod didn't have enough space for all her music) set on shuffle, Beca half-closed her eyes as the electric guitar stirred its notes in her ears._

_She walked in the music store with a grin on her face and went straight to the counter where the cashier smiled at her fondly._

"_Hey little one. How've you been? We haven't seen you around in a while." He asked, grinning when Beca scoffed at his nickname._

"_I'm okay. I know, I don't come to my dad's often, but I missed you guys too much." She countered and he chuckled whole heartedly; he really liked this young girl who was always full of surprises._

"_So, what brings you up here today?" he asked and whistled when she opened her backpack and emptied it._

_The counter was soon covered with nickels, quarters and cents, on top of what she added a handful of ones, fives and even two ten dollars bill with a proud smirk. She pointed to something behind him and said with a determined tone :_

"_I want that mixing table."_

_He looked at her for a minute, unsure if she was being serious or joking. He frowned when he realized she really wanted that mixing table, then chuckled._

"_Do you know how to use it?" he asked with a grin._

"_I'll learn. Just tell me if I have enough money already." She pressed on, and he looked at the price tag, wincing with his back to her when he saw the number._

_He already knew she didn't have enough, but when he turned around and saw her big blue eyes full of hope and terror, he didn't have the heart to tell her the complete truth. Instead, he took the mixing table and put it on the corner beside the mound of coins._

"_I tell you what. If you can make a mix by the end of next week, I'll take your money and it'll be yours." He said, and almost gave it to her at that moment when her face melted in despair._

"_Okay." She said a millisecond later, and there were no traces of her previous distress. "I can't take it home, though, well not right now. Can I come here and work on it until I leave?"_

"_No problem, kiddo. See you tomorrow then!" He said as he watched her leave with a confident smile._

_Beca ran almost all the way back to her house because she knew she was late and her dad was going to be upset, and she had to give him a valid excuse otherwise she'd never hear the end of it._

"_Where were you?" he asked as she stepped a foot inside._

"_At the ice cream parlor." She replied as dryly as him._

"_I went to see if you were there because you're thirty minutes late, Beca." He growled, and she knew she had to think of something, and quick._

"_I ran into Jesse. We went to the park and talked." She blurted out and she felt her dad instantly let go, his face splitting in half with a giant smile._

"_How is he? I haven't seen that boy in a long time! I didn't know you two were still friends, you never talk about him anymore." He said, and Beca felt her heart cringe. _

_Of course they weren't talking anymore, no they weren't friends anymore, not since the day Beca slammed the door in his face four years ago. She flinched while her dad had his back to her, and gulped down the guilt that formed a lump in her throat. She told him she needed to change before dinner and ran upstairs before the tears could catch her lying._

Beca remembered the first time she had lied about her friendship with Jesse, and it also brought back the memory of how she had put an end to it. Deciding today was not a day to think about all this, the brunette booted up her computer and sat in front of the screen, distractively remembering the first time she had tried to mix two songs together. It hadn't worked well, hadn't worked at all in fact, but she was as stubborn as could be and she was determined to get that mixing table.

She had had to lie to her dad about her comings and goings, telling him she was catching up with Jesse. Beca felt the usual hands of guilt tighten around her throat and she quickly put her headphones over her head to sink deep down in a world where she only had to worry about downbeats matching and mixes sounding good. She couldn't, however, shake the harmony of her voice matched with the redhead's and it was disturbing her work. Beca finally closed all her tabs in a frustrated series of clicks before plopping down on her bed. Checking the time on her phone, she realized she still had a few hours to actually decide if she was going to audition or not.

Something had felt quite right about the way her voice matched so perfectly with the ginger's, something about the idea of a group of girls able to produce sounds together was appealing to her. The thought slowly made its way in her head and she fiercely shook it to try and wipe away the other thoughts adding to this; it would be just like mixing a song, except it would be coming from real people, live in front of her. They could probably mix two songs together and find a way to make it work, just like what she did with her mixing table. It could actually be fun. Beca knew there was no way she wasn't going to those auditions because curiosity at gotten the better of her, and she was also unable to shake off that puppy-look the redhead had had on her face when she sung with her. Something had happened and it was more than singing, but Beca wasn't quite sure what.

_Did I just stood there, thinking this girl was crazy but enjoyable?_

She shrugged it off and rolled on her belly, her eyelids slowly brushing away everything in her eyesight until she fell asleep. Staying up all night mixing was tiring, especially when you didn't have time to rest because your father had barged in, and then an estranged redhead had done the same in your shower. Beca slept for a few hours before waking up because her roommate was back.

"Fuck!" she muttered under her breath when she caught the time on her cellphone.

It was already seven forty five and auditions started at seven. She quickly put her shoes on and was still trying to zip them on while power-walking down the hall to get to the auditorium faster. There was no way she was trying to run in those boots, it was a certainty that she would fall and never make it to auditions.

When she finally arrived, she took a minute to collect herself, the thought of what she was about to do quickly sinking in and making her heart race up. She heard some guy call it a wrap, but the same redhead that had invaded her bathroom saw her and motioned for her to come forward, smiling so brightly it made Beca wonder if she was alright.

"I didn't know we had to prepare that song…" she started, and she saw the proud expression of the ginger and her beaming smile, almost making her smile sincerely too. Instead, she offered a curl of her lips, trying to look sorry.

"Oh, it's alright, you can sing anything you want." Shower girl piped up and Beca felt relief flood through her.

When he heard the stunning co-leader of the Bellas interrupt Justin from calling it a night, Jesse immediately walked to see who was late. His mouth formed a perfect 'o' when he recognized Beca, and for a second he wanted to cheer for her, but he could feel just how nervous she was and he was curious to see what she was about to sing. He hadn't heard her sing since they were kids, and even then, she had the sweetest voice he had ever heard. When she asked if she could take the cup holding all the pens on the desk, Jesse's heartbeat fastened. Hope rushed to his head at the same as the memory did and he closed his eyes when Beca started playing a beat with the cup.

When Beca started singing, she felt more at ease. She had always been better at singing than talking, and she lost herself in the song she played and sung, impressing even the uptight blonde named Aubrey beside the redhead. She finished playing and heard a soft "wow" that made her look to her right. Jesse was standing there, speechless, and she quickly looked away, knowing all too well what was going through is mind right now.

_They were all gathered around the camp fire and already cliques were being formed. The popular kids had the best spot, of course, and they talked about how many friends they had back home. The nerds and solitary kids were all sitting awkwardly on the other side, making little to no attempt to socialize. Others were chatting lightly with newly made friends. And then there were them. Sitting side by side, eyeing the popular kids' conversation and mocking them. They hadn't talked to anybody else on this summer camp their parents had thought would be a good way to spend their entire summer in, and it had already been a week. _

_They just didn't need anybody else but the other, and it was soon pretty clear to everyone else too. One of the monitors sitting amongst them declared it was song time and started a traditional camp fire song. Others joined in, but Jesse and Beca remained in their own little world, already making plans for when they'd be back home._

"_Jesse, Beca, why don't you sing us a song?" one of the monitors asked in an attempt to make them join in._

"_Uh.." they answered in unison, until an idea sparked in their mind and they counted down from three before starting what seemed to be a random beat with their hands. It sounded better with a cup, but they made it work anyway._

_It was their song, the one they had learned and everyone loved it, but they refused to show it to anybody. It was theirs, and they were determined to keep it that way, because they had spent so much time trying to learn the original beat and then finding new ways to play it._

She knew he had heard her when she saw him still frozen when the redhead gave her an encouraging smile and she walked out of the stage.

"Uh… hey." She said as she passed near Jesse.

"You sang our song." He said, and she wasn't sure if he was mad at her or overly thrilled about this. "You remember it." He added, and she knew it was the latter.

"Of course I do." She replied, her tone harsher than she intended to.

She felt the souvenirs behind his last sentence, and knew he had bit other words back, words like "even after all those years, even after what you did to me." She silently thanked him for not saying them out loud and still being that complying little boy she used to know who would follow her craziest ideas without a doubt. They walked in an awkward silence before someone Beca had never seen crocheted Jesse's arm, his eyes full of sadness and took him away from her.

"See you at the station, Beca." He called as Benji dragged him further away.


	9. Joining In

Benji waited until they were outside of the auditorium and made sure they were alone before speaking. Jesse had a good idea what he was about to say, and he still didn't have an answer that wasn't a lie for his friend, and that crushed his heart. He had missed feeling close to someone like he felt towards Benji. He had missed the easiness a true friendship brought and watching the first person with whom he had such a connection in a long time tell him his dream wouldn't come true was something Jesse never wanted to feel again.

"They're not going to pick me. I'm never going to be a Treble." He said sternly, but Jesse saw his lower lip struggle to stop shaking and he saw his eyes tear up, his attempt fierce to look like it didn't affect him as much as it did.

"You don't know that, Benji. It's going to be alright, I promise." Jesse heart cringed at his words, remembering all too well the last time he had said those exact same words, except it had been a different name.

_Curled up by his side on the couch, Beca was softly crying and had been for almost an hour now. Jesse had put a DVD on so if his parents came downstairs they wouldn't suspect a thing. They were used to seeing the two of them tangled in each other, watching a movie or playing video games. Beca didn't have half of Jesse's passion with movies, but she enjoyed them if it was with him. He was rubbing slow circles on her back, his heart wrenching with every sob raking through her body as he still didn't know why she was crying._

_Finally, as the end credits started to roll, Beca lifted her head from the wet stain she had made on Jesse's shirt and he smiled kindly at her._

"_They're getting a divorce, Jesse." She said quietly._

"_You don't know that, Beca." He started, pulling her closer again. "They might work through this, you know. You shouldn't give up hope. It's going to be alright, I promise."_

_She shook her head, but her entire self wanted to believe him so badly, she wanted to trust his words, to be convinced he was right and she was wrong for once. She wanted him to speak the truth, but she _knew_ they were getting a divorce. So Jesse's words only spoke her hopes and dreams, and they were better than the truth, but she couldn't ignore it, not anymore._

"_I've seen the papers, Jesse. It's official." She had said bitterly, and felt him freeze._

"_I'm sorry, Beca." He murmured in her ear, kissing the top of her head tenderly._

"_I love you." She whispered back._

_And even though they were only eight, even though they were kids with all their lives ahead, even though they had said those words before, and even though nothing was right at the moment, despite everything, Jesse smiled and held her tighter. She lifted her head and looked at him with a shy smile and their ears were ringing with the complete silence. He was about to bent down, to carefully put his lips over hers, and Beca knew it. He watched her close her eyes when he approached. He licked his lips, his heart pounding in his chest, right before he felt hers brush his._

"Jesse? Hey man, come back." Benji was waving a hand in front of Jesse's face, yanking him out of his souvenir.

"Oh, sorry, Benji. What was I saying?" He asked, mostly to try to gain some time so he could recover from the memory. He hadn't thought about that day for eight years or so. "Oh yeah. The Trebles have to pick you, you're an amazing singer."

"You think?" Benji answered, smiling shyly.

"Yeah, of course you are! Come on, let's go back to our dorm, I'm drained." He said, gently patting Benji on the back and guiding him to their room.

Jesse couldn't shake the memory of that kiss even as he was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and listening to Benji's quiet snoring.

Beca didn't have time to think about the smile that curled up her lips before a spunky redhead bounced in front of her, smiling with her entire being. Aubrey was next to her and gave Beca a polite smile, obviously not wanting to be seen anywhere near the brunette.

"Your song was amazing. I'm Chloe." She said in a melodic voice, making Beca wonder if everything she did sounded as musical.

"Uh, thanks, it's just an old song I've known for a long time." She shrugged but smiled anyways, proud to have impressed her. "I'm Beca."

Chloe extended her hand and Beca took it after eyeing the pouting blonde behind her. She let go of it and was about to introduce Aubrey when Beca interrupted her.

"Aubrey, right? I can see you're as much of a shining sun as the first time." She snickered and the blonde gasped before giving her a dirty look.

"Be nice, it's my best friend you're talking about here, Beca." Chloe said with a frown, looking more hurt by her words than Aubrey.

"Sorry." She said, and Chloe nodded but Aubrey rolled her eyes and tugged at the redhead's sleeve.

"I'll see you around, Beca!" the redhead called as she was dragged by her best friend.

She saw her slap her arm and say something that sounded like "Don't be mean, she'll do great in the Bellas." To what Aubrey replied with a groan and a sigh of resignation. Beca smiled and she surprised herself when she realized she was smiling because she was hoping she had heard right and that she were going to get in.

The brunette walked back to her dorm, for once hearing every sound surrounding her and deciding she _definitely_ wasn't made for the college life when she cringed at the shrieks of a small group of girls that were having a lot of fun apparently. It was, after all, a Friday night , but since she didn't really have any interest in "joining in" as her dad had called it, Beca continued to cringe any time a group of drunk students passed nearby until she was safely tucked under her blankets, laptop propped on her knees and ready to mix.

Her phone buzzed just as she pressed play and she looked at the text. A smile crept up her face when she saw who it was coming from, but when she read it, it faltered.

_Beca was nervously fidgeting with her hands in the back of the car, avoiding her father's gaze as much as she could. She didn't want to go to his place, but a part of her ― one that was bigger than she wanted to ― missed him so badly when he called and asked if she wanted to come over for the week-end, she couldn't say no. She was almost nine now, which meant Jesse was nine and thinking about him made her heart hurt. It had already been almost three months since she had seen her dad and a little less than four since she had spoken with Jesse. She knew he was probably mad at her, and he had every right to be, but Beca couldn't do it anymore._

_She had accepted to go to her dad's place because she knew he had moved not far away from Jesse's house and her old house. They even passed in front of it and Beca suspected her dad was trying to send a message to the backseat where she was sat, but she simply closed her eyes hurriedly when she recognized where they were, fighting back tears. Her dad saw them and when they arrived at his new house, he took her by the shoulders and pulled her in a hug._

"_I'm sorry, Beca." He said simply, and she realized that, maybe, he wasn't the only one who was wrong. Just maybe._

_She pushed him away shortly after and climbed the stairs up to her bedroom after he indicated her the way. In there, she collapsed on her bed and cried until he knocked on her door and told her it was dinner time. She hadn't realized she had fallen asleep until then and she felt bad. She had a goal in mind when she had said yes to coming here, and she was determined to make it work. They ate in almost complete silence, her dad making a few attempts to converse with her, but Beca was on another planet._

_The little girl asked to be excused and ran up to her room again, only to get out again a few minutes later, asking for permission to go ride her bike around. She knew he still had one of her old bikes because her new one was at her mother's and Beca had always loved to cycle with Jesse. He told her to be back before eight and she nodded._

_She pedaled like her life depended on it for a solid ten minutes, just letting her nerves calm down before she actually made her way to his house. A knock at the door and her heart was racing as if she was about to confess murder. Jesse opened the door, as always, and she forgot everything she came by to say. Her face split in half with a smile she couldn't restrain, Beca's eyes watered instantly and she threw her arms around him._

"_Oh, Jesse!" She cried in his neck, silently begging him to hug her before he yelled at her._

_The second he realized who was hugging him so tightly, Jesse shrieked and covered her back with his hands and nuzzling his face in her messy hair. Jesse's parents hunched over the half wall of the living room to see who was on the doorstep. Their curious faces turned to shock then delight when they recognized Beca._

"_Beca!" his mother exclaimed with a bright smile. "Come on in, it's been so long!"_

_Beca walked inside and stopped dead in her tracks when Jesse linked their hands, sliding his fingers between the spaces of hers. She looked at their joined palms, feeling her heart stomp in her temples and her mother's words ring in her head. She shook her head, walking backwards and stumbling over the door step. Jesse pulled on their holding hands only to look at his lonely hand in shock, wondering where Beca's was. He reached out for her just in time so she didn't fall down, but she jolted away from his touch the second after._

"_Can I talk to you outside, Jesse?" She said, still looking stunned from something Jesse didn't understand._

"_Yeah, sure." He said, smiling his bright and happy smile, which made what she was about to say even harder._

_She had to, though, she had to protect herself. She wanted to see the evil behind that genuinely kind and caring smile he gave her once the door was closed. She wanted to be able to predict exactly how he'd hurt her with those big brown eyes of his, just how he'd crush her heart with these soft hands she loved to hold. She had to; because there was no ways she was ending up like her mother. She couldn't tell him it was over like that, though, she knew it would break him down to the point where nothing but herself could repair the damages done. She wanted him to be happy, wanted him to erase her from his life and forget her, not hate her. She could manage Jesse forgetting their friendship, she couldn't manage Jesse hating their friendship._

"_My mom is taking me away, like really far away. It's my last time here. I thought you should know." She said, hoping he would buy her almost-indifferent tone._

"_What?" He said, shocked making his voice high-pitch._

"_Yeah, we're going away, I won't be coming back. Just thought I'd say a proper goodbye before." She _shrugged_ and he _winced_ and her heart shattered in her chest, but she held her head up and gave him a small smile._

"_Oh." He said simply, looking down and not ever looking directly at her after that._

"_Yeah. It was nice seeing you." She added before turning away and waving to his parents trying to see what they were doing from the living room's bay window._

"_Okay… Wait!" He suddenly said grabbing her hand as she was starting to walk away. "Are you going to write to me? Or email me? Or call?" he asked, his eyes full of hope._

"_I don't know, Jesse. My mom's pretty messed up right now, she needs me." She replied, and she added that lie to the longer and longer list of lies she had already said, that one being the most bitter._

"_What about me? I need you too, Beca." He was pleading, she knew it, he knew it, but she did as if it was a normal tone and nodded slowly._

"_You'll find someone else, Jesse." She replied, and the words were like knives she willingly stabbed their hearts with._

"_I don't want someone else." He retorted, but he let go of her hand and took a step back._

_She forced herself to nod and smile in what she hoped looked like an apologetic way and not a desperate way, then she turned her back on him. _

"_If you feel lonely and you miss me, Beca, you just look up to the stars and know I'll be watching them too."_

She stared at the unknown droplet of liquid that fell on her screen when she looked down again. _Am I crying?_ She touched her cheeks, feeling the moist track of her tears running down her face. She couldn't tell for how long she'd been gone in her head, music flooding through her headphones; neither could she tell how long she'd been crying. The brunette wiped them away and looked at her phone.

'What are you doing tonight? Want ice cream and midnight stars?' the text said.

She smiled sadly and put her phone on silent mode, unable to answer that text right now. She put it on her desk behind her so that she wouldn't even see if she received other texts, and picked up where she had left with her mix.


End file.
